5 Important Things You Need to Prioritize When Becoming a Single Mom By Choice

Are you considering becoming a single mom by choice? These 5 things will help you navigate your way through your new reality. 

I know firsthand that becoming a single mom by choice can be a terrifying, overwhelming, anxiety-inducing whirl of a stressful time.

After ten long, tumultuous years of not being one (technically), I decided to leave my children’s father and found myself immersed in single motherhood.

Though, I will admit it was long overdue.

I say “technically” I wasn’t a single mother because he was THERE, but that was pretty much it.

All financial obligations were mine to bear alone. 90% of the actual DEEP cleaning was on me, errands, doctor appointments, events, you name it.

It was me who had to make the calls, do the traveling, tote things from here to there, buy the groceries, make the meals, pay all the bills, and so on.

He lived life like he was my “trophy-husband.”

But he did help juggle the children.

When I went to work extra early to put in a double shift because I was the only one bringing in an income, he would help get our eldest dressed and off to school and tend to the babies’ basic needs.

So the realization of dealing with all three children by myself, with no extra hands to help, no extra ears to bounce ideas off of, or an extra set of eyes to keep watch over them, I was a frenzy of nerves…initially.

But I got through it, figured some things out, and now I’m happier and more content than I’ve ever been.

And to get to this point, here are five things I prioritized when I first became a single mom that allowed me to make the transition smoothly and confidently.

This post is all about becoming a single mom by choice.

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The First Five Things You Need To Prioritize When Becoming A Single Mom By Choice

1. Take a First Aid Class 

Taking a first aid class was one of the very first things I prioritized. I couldn’t help but think, What if something goes awry with one of these little children?

I had a baby, a toddler, and a 3rd-grader—and little people love shoving random things in their mouths, even the oldest one of my “little” people. Now that it was just me, I knew I needed to be prepared to handle the worst-case scenario.

I googled first aid classes and discovered my local hospital offers periodic training. I signed up for their heart saver certification course, where they taught us how to perform the Heimlich maneuver and CPR on adults, children, and infants, along with basic first aid techniques. I now plan to refresh my skills annually.

But knowing myself and how panic can set in during an emergency, I wanted an extra layer of preparedness. That’s when I discovered the LifeVac.

The LifeVac is a choking rescue device designed to clear blockages in the airway quickly and effectively, and it’s already credited with saving over 1,000 lives worldwide—including babies, children, and even adults.

After watching a gripping video about a man who retrieved his LifeVac from his car to save a choking 9-month-old baby, I knew I had to have one. The baby, who had a pancake lodged in their throat, was saved within seconds and is now a thriving child. That video stayed with me.

I immediately bought the LifeVac combo pack which includes one for home and a travel version that stays in my car. With an older child in the house whose toys and knick-knacks are often small enough to be choking hazards, having this tool on hand gives me invaluable peace of mind.

There have been a couple of horrifying moments when one of my younger two started choking, but thankfully, they managed to cough it up on their own. Still, those experiences were enough to convince me that the LifeVac is a must-have for any parent, especially single moms like me who don’t have an extra set of hands to rely on.

While first aid training is crucial, having a LifeVac as part of your safety plan provides added security for the unpredictable moments of parenthood. I highly recommend getting one—it could truly be a lifesaver.

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2. Set aside some income tax money for emergencies, holidays, and birthdays 

To ease the financial strain and overwhelm, I recommend setting aside a portion of your income tax return money.

It’s a simple way to prepare for those unexpected (and often high) holiday expenses without scrambling at the last minute.

I mentioned before that I paid for everything anyway, but now, as a single mother, I no longer had the convenience of having him watch the children while I worked extra shifts or took on additional jobs to make ends meet.

After all, there’s only so long you can keep your kids in daycare—and, honestly, who really wants their children in daycare all day, every day?

It’s different if they’re at home with their dad for an extended time, but daycare isn’t the same.

So, to reduce stress and feel more in control, I started setting aside money specifically to help support my children and me during those inevitable budget-heavy times like birthdays and holidays.

Here’s a little hack I discovered that made this even easier: I opened a Chime online bank account.

Chime makes saving effortless with features like their Automatic Savings, which rounds up every purchase you make to the nearest dollar and transfers the difference into your savings account.

Plus, you get paid up to two days early with direct deposit—perfect for when you need that tax refund ASAP! And since Chime doesn’t charge hidden fees or require a minimum balance, it’s ideal for single moms like us who want to save without stress.

For example, I was able to set aside $3,000 from my tax return last year and stash it directly into my Chime savings account.

Having that cushion not only gave me peace of mind but also allowed me to avoid the financial juggling act I used to face around the holidays—like deciding which bills to pay late, partially, or skip altogether.

If you want to make saving simple and stress-free, I highly recommend checking out Chime. It’s been a game-changer for me, and it might just be for you, too.

 

3. Give yourself time to adjust to your new normal

At first, it’s absolutely normal to find yourself struggling with bouts of anxiety as you adjust to your new reality.

My advice? Just relax.

I promise you will get through this, and you can do this. Just give yourself time.

It may take 3-6 months, possibly more, to feel fully acclimated to your new lifestyle.

For me, it took approximately six months (maybe a little less) for the anxiety to wear away completely.

That length of time was primarily due to some financial concerns that had me on edge. Once that concern eased, so did the anxiety. 

For about two months, I began taking a stress relief supplement along with my daily multivitamin to help me not feel so frazzled.

However, I still felt a bit discombobulated as I sorted through the overwhelm of how to re-stabilize our lives as I unpacked, redesigned, and re-babyproofed our new home.

Although my anxiety lessened, I noticed more frequent headaches while taking the vitamins, so I stopped taking them. 

Here’s what helped the most (and instead of the supplements):

1. Taking a Deep Breath
When I feel anxiety coming on, I take a genuinely deep breath—like, all the way in and then a strong, forceful exhale. For me, anxiety feels almost physical, like a prickly surge or an electric rush that’s tied to a quickened heartbeat. That deep inhale and powerful exhale seem to physically push out some of that feeling. The more consistently I’ve done this, the more effective it becomes at calming me down.

2. Identifying the Thought Behind the Anxiety
Anxiety doesn’t just come out of nowhere—it’s always tied to a thought, even if you’re not fully aware of it. I realized my anxious feelings often stemmed from something I knew I should be doing but wasn’t. It was my brain’s way of nudging me, saying, “Hey, you need to handle this!”

For example, when I enrolled my son in virtual homeschool, there were days we’d fall behind on lessons. By evening, my brain would whisper, “You’re behind. It’s going to get worse. What are the teachers going to think?” And BAM—there’s the anxiety.

Once I recognized this pattern, I began to address it head-on. After taking that deep breath, I’d sift through my thoughts to pinpoint the cause. Once I identified it, I’d either start working on the task immediately or plan a specific time to tackle it, depending on what I was in the middle of.

These two strategies helped me move through those early months of adjustment. Over time, I became much better at managing my anxiety and more confident in handling life as a single mom.

Another source of anxiety was the initial wild behavior of the children.

We moved into a new home that wasn’t yet organized or babyproofed, and it felt like pandemonium at first.

We’ll get to how to handle that, which is another top priority when becoming a single mom.  

 

4. Develop a flexible schedule that aligns with your life as the sole provider. 

Without a schedule to keep your kids active, entertained, and adequately taken care of, things will get extra overwhelming and feel completely out of control. Trust me, I know from experience.

Sometimes they’re picky eaters, restless sleepers, and so on, making it feel like getting them to adhere to specific activities at certain times may be unachievable, but just keep at it consistently, and things will fall in line.

Remember to make it flexible so that you feel free to modify the day as needed based on whatever random things the day may throw your way.

You don’t have to micromanage every second of the day or treat it like baby boot camp, but having set activities and time frames outlined for the day will make everything much more manageable. 

Before I established a schedule for my kids, it was so chaotic around here.

Pandemonium isn’t even sufficient enough of a term.

I thought I might literally pull my hair out.

My suggestion for considering how to set up your schedule is first to consider what hours of the day your kids will be up (or what hours you’d like them to be up).

For example, perhaps they’re up from approximately 8 am – 9 pm. Then consider everything you need and want to tend to with them within that time frame.

For instance:

• Wakeup time
• Naptime
• Bedtime
• Storytime
• Bathtime
• Breakfast
• Lunch 
• Dinner
• Snack
• Independent play
• Family play
• Activity time (make a craft or do a learning activity)

Once you’ve considered what you want to fill their day with, consider the best times to have them do each activity that works best for you and any other obligations that need your attention throughout the day.

 

5. Organize little by little (you don’t have to do it all at once) 

Lack of organization creates overwhelm, anxiety, unrest, and an overall sense of lack of control.

If things don’t have a functional, clearly defined space to retrieve them and return them to, things can quickly get cluttered, dirty, and lost.

That’s the other problem. Losing items you have and not realizing you have them because they weren’t somewhere you could quickly identify and find.

Now you’re constantly wasting money buying things you already have but couldn’t find.

Additionally, if you don’t have your things put away neatly and they’re randomly around within arms reach and line of sight of your child, they will get into and destroy EVERYTHING.

For example, when we first moved into our new home, and things weren’t yet organized, I nearly lost my mind dealing with constant scattered messes of stuff EVERYWHERE.

Initially, I would take something from them and randomly shove it someplace high or in any closet or cabinet so they couldn’t get to it.

All that did was lead to a rapid build-up of disorganized, massive clutter. 

If your home isn’t organized, develop a plan to start organizing and cleaning little by little.

Just remember, to effortlessly keep your space clean, you must organize it first.

Divide your rooms into areas that need to be organized and do a small task per day or every other day.

I’ve been doing my best with dollar tree bins and chalk labels.

There’s more variety for dollar tree if you purchase online, but I chose to go in the store and try a few of the different types to get a feel for what I like and what works best since you only have the option to purchase in bulk online.

A couple of my favorite organization resources for inspiration and ideas on how and where to start are Organizedish and Do it On a Dime.

As you organize your space, you can then clean it and make a conscious effort to maintain that order by staying on a cleaning schedule.

Two of my favorites are this one that’s a more basic maintenance routine that helps you keep your home looking tidy, and this one that helps you to complete small daily deep cleanings for a consistently spotless living space.

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And there you have it. Five insanely important things you need to prioritize when first becoming a single mom.

Successful completion of all five of these will make life much smoother, save your sanity, and boost your confidence in your ability to knock this thing called motherhood out of the park.

You can do this, mama! Promise.

This post was all about becoming a single mom by choice.

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